Dear Facebook Friends,

We need to have a serious discussion.  I’m kind of annoyed that I have to be the one to do this, I mean really you should have parents or significant others that tell you when you’re making an ass of yourself, but since those people do not seem to be doing their jobs as of late I guess I’ll be the one to have “the talk” with you!
I love Facebook—I really do.  I don’t get the appeal of Twitter (or maybe I’m just not fast enough to keep up with the endless stream of tweets), and MySpace is for 12 year olds, so that pretty much leaves Facebook.  I like being able to reconnect with old friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years and keep up with the busy lives of family and friends.  There are however, a few things about Facebook and some of its users that drive me INSANE!
1.  Friend A suggests you become friends with Friend B, C, D, E, F, and probably G…really?  I don’t need you to tell me that I should be friends with someone I think I can figure that much out on my own.  Now I’m not talking about the people who occasionally do this I am talking to the people who do this a thousand times a day. 
I get email notifications from Facebook and every single time you suggest a friend for me I get that shit in my inbox.  My inbox is FULL as it is…so STOP it!  And for those of you who will no doubt say “Quit bitching and just turn off email notifications.”…ummm no thank you I like knowing when someone responds to a comment…it’s just as easy for you NOT to check my name…I don’t care who you think I should know I’m not interested.
2.  I read somewhere a while back that blogging is a gateway drug and twitter is heroin or something like that.  While I tend to agree with that statement I’m taking it one step further…I think that Facebook is a gateway drug and Farmville is heroin.  I detest Farmville.  I mean far be it for me to deprive people from fertilizing their crops and building barns, but I don’t need to know every single time you give someone a brick or water someone’s flowers.  Not only is it annoying as shit it pisses me off that I have to weed through 500 status updates from Farmville to get to the updates I do care to read!
If you happen to be one of my FB friends and you happen to “geek out” when Farmville is down…GET HELP!  I’m sure there is a support group somewhere or a program you can get into to to help with your addiction…admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery! 
3.  Tagging me in photos of PS3’s and IPad’s to enter a contest!  First of all…really?  I mean you need an IPad bad enough to SPAM all of your FB friends?  I want an IPad too, but I don’t think making all of my FB friends mad is the right way to go about getting one!  Not only is this annoying as all hell, it will also get you unfriended or whatever you would like to call it!  STOP tagging me in photos of inanimate objects…it’s just weird! 
I would like to close by saying that while I love all of my Facebook friends and fans I cannot stand the people who do the 3 things listed above.  I mean in all fairness I am sure they are good people, but they make me want to stick forks in my eyes and that’s not conducive to a very healthy relationship now is it?  So if you would like to stay on my good side please stop the madness, or if you’re hell-bent on making sure everyone who friends you on FB hates you then go ahead and do your evil deeds…but don’t be surprised when your name ends up on my “People Who Hate Their Facebook Friends” post!
Love and Hugs,
Allison