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Monday, September 7, 2009

With my oldest daughter entering Junior High (or Middle School as it is called here) this year I’ve been thinking more and more about all of the impending conversations that we will inevitably have to have and I.do.not.like.it!

Take for instance the topic of drugs, now before I became a mom my view on drugs was much different than it is now.   I mean I never approved of hard core drug use but I thought that it was fine to smoke a little weed every now and then (don’t leave me hate mail I was a teenager).   My point is that the way I felt about me smoking pot is not how I feel about my kids doing it… for me at that time ,in my mind it was alright, for my kids in my eyes it will NEVER be alright!  But I know the day will come when my children ask me, “Mom did you ever do drugs?”, what will I say?  Will I lie to my children for the sake of keeping them safe?  Will I tell them the truth but demand that they adopt the, “Do as I say not as I do” policy?  Will I be a hypocrite and tell them that drugs are bad and that no one should do them?  The answers to those questions are answers that I just don’t have right now, on one hand I want my children to know that I will always tell them the truth, but on the other I want them to be safe and never find themselves in any of the crazy situations I found myself in due to my less than responsible choices. 

Or the dreaded SEX talk, how on earth will I handle that?  I’ve always tried to be as open and honest with my children as possible, but how am I supposed to talk to them about sex when I’m not even comfortable with them knowing I have sex.  How will I be able to explain to them that you should save yourself for marriage (which is a crock by the way…I mean how can someone justify not taking the fiancĂ© for a test drive…who would want to go into a marriage not knowing if their perspective spouse was good in the sack) when I didn’t save myself for marriage?  Its not that I’m uncomfortable with the subject of sex I mean you can easily read here or here and see that is not the case, its that I’m just not sure what to say or how to say it which is surprising for me because I’m usually so good with words…go figure!

What about the topic of boys, now boys should go hand in hand with sex but they are really two separate subjects that will require separate conversations.  Thankfully my oldest hasn’t taken much of an interest in boys…yet…but I know that the day is quickly coming.  I remember being in middle school and high school thinking the world was going to end if the boy I liked didn’t like me back and that is not a feeling that I want any of my babies to ever have to feel.    The “mom” side of me wants to tell my daughters that boys are icky and not worth the time that they will inevitably spend on them but I know that just as I didn’t, they will never listen to that and I will be forced to let them learn for themselves. 

I guess with age comes wisdom and even though letting my children make their own mistakes is not at all what I would like to do I know that I will have to let them live and learn.  All I can hope for is that I have given them the tools required to help them make the best decisions they can…I think they’ll do just fine.

But I am curious, have you had any of these conversations with your children?  What did you say?  How did they respond?

4 comments :

  1. My child is still way too little but I plan on being honest with her and telling her the truth about things.

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  2. Oh yes..the dreaded talk. Now I have boys..and we did the talk..no I did the talk when they were about 11 ish. When Sammie came to live with us she was 13 and she was pretty informed..but we went over the boy/sex stuff. She's now 19 and is doing ok..so i guess I did well.
    good luck Alison. I truly believe in open communication.

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  3. Misadventurous Mommy,

    Wow! I'm not prepared for any of the talks. Despite that, my children periodically ask me questions about various things. We haven't crossed the sex avenue yet, but have briefly talked about drugs (the light version). My children are seven, five, and two, so I have a while to get myself together.

    My thoughts on all of the subjects have changed tremendously since getting older and becoming a mother. Isn't that funny? Yes, w/age comes much wisdom!!!

    Visiting from "Content Thursday."

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  4. I am SO not looking forward to those kinds of talks! Thankfully mine are too little at this point BUT let us know what you think and how you handled the 'TALKS'!!

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Can you relate? Well let me know about it!