As a lot of you know, my family is a blended family. My husband and I have six children between the
two of us, I came into the marriage with two children from a previous marriage and my husband came into the marriage with two children from a
previous marriage and then we had two children together…lost yet? Given that I have, in the past, talked about
being part of a blended family, I do occasionally get emails from readers who
also have blended families, asking questions or just wondering how I handle
certain situations that may (and often do) arise. Since I always find it helpful to get other
people’s input when I’m dealing with my own problems and given how important it
is to have a support system when you’re a part of a blended family, I thought I’d
share a few of the most frequently asked questions with all of you and my
answers to them.
How do you deal with the exes involved?
Honestly, it’s a true exercise in patience, mixed with an
awful lot of tongue biting! Without
going into too much detail (because technically I am subject to a “gag order”
by my husband’s ex-wife…fun times), I will say that for the most part, with
respect to my own ex, he never gives me any issues and I don’t give him
any. We co-parent our daughter in every
sense of the word, I respect his opinions and input where she is concerned and
he respects mine. Our daughter is 12 and
for the past couple of years we have allowed her to pretty much decide where
she wants to spend her weekends and it’s what we’ve found that works for us. I think we’ve both just come to the
realization that everyone in the situation is happier when there is no
fighting, no drama and no pressure put on our daughter! As far as my husband’s situation, it is the
complete opposite from my own and a very tense, unnecessarily drama-filled, not
very fun time for everyone who is involved…sadly.
How do you and your husband deal with disciplining each
others children?
Bad attitudes and mouthy kids are a big problem in our house…I’m
just being honest! All of our children
are mouthy and don’t like to listen, so there is always someone in trouble for
something and the older they get, the more groundings and having things taken
away there seem to be. My husband and I
have always felt comfortable disciplining each others children, we are
extremely laid-back in the way we discipline our children anyway, so we prefer
taking things away and changing wifi passwords to spankings. On the rare occasion that something does
warrant a spanking, we usually don’t spank each others child, that’s just the
way I think we both prefer it and what’s worked for us.
What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone who
is new to a blended family?
Be patient!
Seriously, it’s hard enough to deal with the adjustments to having new
children in the house who are used to doing things a certain way and only
having to listen to their parents, but it’s a whole other thing entirely when
you have to deal with exes! Honestly, I’ve
found that the children seem to adjust to the situation (for the most part) so
much easier and with a whole lot less drama, than the parents and that should
tell us something! I know that for us,
being a blended family is an ongoing learning experience, there is not
necessarily one thing or one way that works for us all of the time, we have
days (weeks, months) that go by smoothly and without incident, but then there
are those times that make all of us wonder how we ever made it eight years with
so much craziness!
While patience is definitely super important, it’s also
extremely important to remember that no one gets it right, right away or all of
the time. It’s totally alright to make
mistake, it’s not the end of the world if you argue with one (or all) of the
exes involved (trust me, it’s nearly impossible not to), you’re not the world’s
worst step-mom/dad if you make an unpopular decision and you have to do what
works for you and your family!
I hope me giving you some insight into what works for us has
given those of you who are new to blended families a little more confidence, I
promise, it gets easier with each passing day and as long as you are actively
trying to make your situation work, well you’re already ahead of the game!
Good luck!
Ahhh I love it, beautiful family my dear :)
ReplyDeleteThanks girl!
Delete
ReplyDeleteMy names are joan jane am from USA i want to use this
opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a
pleasurable one today. This great Doctor brought my husband back to
me, i had 3 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my
husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left
me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought then
will never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the
kids but i couldn't control the pains that torments my heart, my
heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love
with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and i always wish he
will come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that
was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend
who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take
responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case
and that i shouldn't worry about it at all so i asked her what was the
solution to my problems and she gave me this great man phone number
and his email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i
contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them
all, he told me to wait for just seven days and that my husband will come
crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what
this great man asked me to do and for sure after four days i heard a
knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i
was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me
for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart
flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are
happy.that is why i want to say a big thanks to Doctor okogie. This
great man made me to understand that there is know problem on earth that
has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem
or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to
this great man. you can email him at drokogiespellcaster7@gmail.com