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Monday, August 3, 2009

Last night I was chatting with a friend of mine (I’ll call her M for the sake of not typing my friend 50 times)  when we started talking about the new episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (don’t worry this is not a post about that).  I expressed to my friend how I couldn’t wait to see the show and she confessed the same.  We started talking about how drama filled this season is going to be (because of Kate no doubt) when I admitted that I don’t know who to believe (Kate or Jon).  I did say that Kate was hell bent on making Jon look like a bad father..and then I admitted that I am starting to believe that he’s definitely not behaving like a Daddy gallivanting all over God knows where with all kinds of women while Kate stays home with the kids and then M said that Kate would probably do the same thing if she had the chance and why should anyone point out Jon for his irresponsible behavior when plenty of men behave the same way!  The last thing M said really got me thinking…and you know me…ME + THINKING = BLOG POST!

Without realizing it M had inspired a blog post (yeah M)!  Why do we as women sell ourselves so short?  Why do we assume that we have to put up with behavior that we know is WRONG?  Is it because that’s just the way we’re programmed?  When something goes wrong or when someone flakes on their responsibility we just have to take over…well yes and no!  I have never been one to sit back and shut up when something is bothering me, I am completely the opposite…I don’t care if it causes drama, I don’t mind having someone not talk to me because of an opinion I have…if I feel strongly about something then I am going to say it…and I feel strongly about this!

It really bothers me when women think that men’s shitty behavior is alright, or worse when they know it’s wrong and put up with it because they think they have to.  I will be the first to admit that my fiancĂ© does very little to help me with the kids (aside from giving Lil Man the occasional bath and changing a few diapers) it’s pretty much me all the time, but why?  Are our children any less his than they are mine?  NO.  Did I unwittingly sign some paper in the throws of labor assigning myself 99% responsibility for my kids?  I’m pretty sure I would remember that…Demerol or not!  Does having the title MOM mean more than Dad?  In my book YES!  Now that may be controversial (ask me if I care…um I do not)!  I see it this way…men typically assume less responsibility for their children than women do and while it isn’t right it seems to be more widely accepted than say a mother who refuses to have anything to do with her children.  Say you have a friend whose baby daddy has little to nothing to do with his kids…not right but it’s the norm.  Now take those same people and switch the roles with the mom having little contact and it’s a shit storm waiting to happen…but why?  Where is it written that mothers should assume all of the responsibility for raising her children?  Now before you go thinking that I’m suggesting that women shouldn’t raise their children that is not what I’m getting at…I’m simply trying to understand why we allow that kind of behavior from the fathers of our children when we would be the first to throw stones at a mother who exhibited the same behavior.  I have a hard time understanding why my fiancĂ© (and many other fathers like him) do not want to take a more active role in parenting.  Of course those same fathers are also the first ones to say, “That’s my boy!” when their son uses the potty for the first time…well actually since you brought it up that’s not your boy, oh sure biologically but that’s about the extent of it.  I taught “your boy” to use the potty, I cleaned up all of the accidents when he forgot to tell me he had to potty, I am the one who insisted he be potty trained in the first place…how dare you take any responsibility for that…now that’s what I think…but do I say that to him?  No!  Why?  Because some things are just more satisfying to think, why cause unnecessary fights, why make sure that you tell him something that he must already know?  And therein lies the problem…we would rather sit back and not cause a fight silently cursing him the entire time than stand up for ourselves (and our children) and insist that they be men!  Notice I said we…I am just as guilty as anyone else.  Guilty but  pissed that it has to be this way…or does it?

I propose that we as women take a stand.  So grab your best girlfriends, get all dolled up, tell your SO not to wait up and go out and party like you did before you had kids…you deserve it! 

7 comments :

  1. I 100% agree with you. Which is why i married a guy that does more like 60% of the work around here. IN a lot of ways, chris is a better father and a better spouse. I am so busy all the time. But one thing we we share is our child...its VERY split down the middle. A lot of friends try to tell me how lucky i am, but the truth is, im not lucky. Its the way it SHOULD be.

    trisha

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  2. I'm actually glad women are innately tuned into their kids and built to care for them. It's nature's way of making sure of things. If it were left up to the men, can you imagine?? They're so not wired for nurturing.

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  3. Maybe it's because I am a mom, but I just don't understand how fathers can not want to be involved in everything. (Even my own hubby.) I would feel like I'm missing out on something constantly.

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  4. Trisha...you have no idea how lucky you truly are! Most men seem to shirk the responsibility off on the moms and we put up with it because we have to...not fair but I guess that's life!

    BlueViolet...I agree 110% men could never do our jobs...EVER!

    Staci...I also agree with what you said I can't understand why father's don't want to be more involved it seems crazy and I could never imagine not wanting to be there every day to catch everything that my children do.

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  5. To be honest, I'm in the position where my husband is the better parent in some ways and myself in some. I'm there for the sick times, he's there for the play times, I'm there to kiss them goodnight, he's there to read them a story. It's really a 50/50 deal and I'm pretty lucky, which I should tell him more often....as for the husband stuff...well, I'm still working on that part. ;-)

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  6. I loved your post! I'm sitting here giggling to myself as I read and agreeing 100%. My hubby is a great hubby - no doubt about it. He also loves his kids and would do anything humanly possible to protect them but he didn't do much in the way of raising them. That was my responsibility - it shouldn't have been but it was. I don't think even in this day and age things will ever change and it's a shame because the dads really don't know what they're missing out on!

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  7. I could have sworn I commented here.

    What is with these men? I know our SO's mean well most of the time but really why is we can do so much and just roll with it and they make a big deal out of such a little things they do?

    My MIL once told me that men doing these bad things just have to be expected they are men they mess up and we just have to expect it and move on? Yup my head spinned around on the one too!

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