Last night I was chatting with a friend of mine (I’ll call her M for the sake of not typing my friend 50 times) when we started talking about the new episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (don’t worry this is not a post about that). I expressed to my friend how I couldn’t wait to see the show and she confessed the same. We started talking about how drama filled this season is going to be (because of Kate no doubt) when I admitted that I don’t know who to believe (Kate or Jon). I did say that Kate was hell bent on making Jon look like a bad father..and then I admitted that I am starting to believe that he’s definitely not behaving like a Daddy gallivanting all over God knows where with all kinds of women while Kate stays home with the kids and then M said that Kate would probably do the same thing if she had the chance and why should anyone point out Jon for his irresponsible behavior when plenty of men behave the same way! The last thing M said really got me thinking…and you know me…ME + THINKING = BLOG POST!
Without realizing it M had inspired a blog post (yeah M)! Why do we as women sell ourselves so short? Why do we assume that we have to put up with behavior that we know is WRONG? Is it because that’s just the way we’re programmed? When something goes wrong or when someone flakes on their responsibility we just have to take over…well yes and no! I have never been one to sit back and shut up when something is bothering me, I am completely the opposite…I don’t care if it causes drama, I don’t mind having someone not talk to me because of an opinion I have…if I feel strongly about something then I am going to say it…and I feel strongly about this!
It really bothers me when women think that men’s shitty behavior is alright, or worse when they know it’s wrong and put up with it because they think they have to. I will be the first to admit that my fiancé does very little to help me with the kids (aside from giving Lil Man the occasional bath and changing a few diapers) it’s pretty much me all the time, but why? Are our children any less his than they are mine? NO. Did I unwittingly sign some paper in the throws of labor assigning myself 99% responsibility for my kids? I’m pretty sure I would remember that…Demerol or not! Does having the title MOM mean more than Dad? In my book YES! Now that may be controversial (ask me if I care…um I do not)! I see it this way…men typically assume less responsibility for their children than women do and while it isn’t right it seems to be more widely accepted than say a mother who refuses to have anything to do with her children. Say you have a friend whose baby daddy has little to nothing to do with his kids…not right but it’s the norm. Now take those same people and switch the roles with the mom having little contact and it’s a shit storm waiting to happen…but why? Where is it written that mothers should assume all of the responsibility for raising her children? Now before you go thinking that I’m suggesting that women shouldn’t raise their children that is not what I’m getting at…I’m simply trying to understand why we allow that kind of behavior from the fathers of our children when we would be the first to throw stones at a mother who exhibited the same behavior. I have a hard time understanding why my fiancé (and many other fathers like him) do not want to take a more active role in parenting. Of course those same fathers are also the first ones to say, “That’s my boy!” when their son uses the potty for the first time…well actually since you brought it up that’s not your boy, oh sure biologically but that’s about the extent of it. I taught “your boy” to use the potty, I cleaned up all of the accidents when he forgot to tell me he had to potty, I am the one who insisted he be potty trained in the first place…how dare you take any responsibility for that…now that’s what I think…but do I say that to him? No! Why? Because some things are just more satisfying to think, why cause unnecessary fights, why make sure that you tell him something that he must already know? And therein lies the problem…we would rather sit back and not cause a fight silently cursing him the entire time than stand up for ourselves (and our children) and insist that they be men! Notice I said we…I am just as guilty as anyone else. Guilty but pissed that it has to be this way…or does it?
I propose that we as women take a stand. So grab your best girlfriends, get all dolled up, tell your SO not to wait up and go out and party like you did before you had kids…you deserve it!