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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Lately I’ve been putting a lot of thought into where my life is headed…not that I’m on the wrong path or even that I’m not sure what I want to do.  The thing is this…I’ve been in school for too long working on my AA and I’m just burnt out.  What started out as taking two years has slowly lead to three and I am just over it.  Add to that the fact that I am less than enthused about the degree I am working towards (AA in Office System Technology with a dual degree in Medical Billing and Coding)…I would prefer to do Website Design or Graphic Design but I feel stuck in what I’m doing (and hating) now.  I’ve went through a divorce, had two children, moved three times, and had to drop a ridiculous number of classes because of all of the stress I had going on.  Now I’m usually the one who handles stress with flying colors, I rarely ask for help from anyone, and I would honestly just prefer to do it by myself, but with yet another semester getting closer I have no clue how or what to do about it. 

Last semester my usually almost perfect GPA dropped significantly and I just lost the passion that I used to have for my classes.  I know that I have to finish school (dropping out is not even an option) I am just so tired of doing it ALL with little or no support (not to be mistaken with help…as I’ve gotten used to doing it ALL by MYSELF).  I wonder all the time how working moms do it.  I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years and a college student for almost three and it takes all of me to get everything done in a day…how on earth do working moms take care of their kids and go to school?  I will be the first to admit that I don’t think I could work, go to school, and be there for my kids like I am now…not that I’m knocking the ones that can…it’s just not for me!  And that brings me to another question…will I be ready to head back into the work force?  Will I be able to get a job…having absolutely NO work history can’t be a good thing!?!  How will I cope with sending my two youngest children to daycare? 

There are millions questions swirling around in my head, a million different reasons for and against going back to work, and more doubt than I care to admit…but I guess in time the answers I need will make themselves know…until then I can only continue working and striving towards my future…one step at a time!

5 comments :

  1. Girl, Keep your head up high. You will make it. I was a single FT working mom and went back to school to get my BA in Child Psych and my teaching certification. This is a 4 year program that, in addition to class work, was the "Adult Degree Program" which means I taught alot to myself. I had 2 children 5 & 3. Looking back, I have no idea how I did it....And I did it in 3 years instead of 4. You have to set your sites on the goal and just charge towards it. Dont let ANYTHING stop you. However, if you no longer want to complete that degree, go see an advisor and change your plan. If you arent passionate about your future, you wont be excited to get there.

    As far as daycare, I hated that too. But if you find a good one, you wont be sorry. I enrolled my son at the age of 2.5. He turned 5 in January and started school last year. Not only did he get the very important social skills needed for Kindergarten, he also could read and write above grade level last year. I take no credit for that...

    It will all work out. Dont stress the small stuff and dont give up your dreams. Hang in there...

    ~Sarah

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  2. Girl I hear you it's so hard balancing all these balls with sometimes little or no help at all.

    I'm learning to take more breaks and not take on as much because then I go into shut down mode and that's not helpful for anyone.

    Hang in there sweets and you know I'm always just an email or phone call away.

    Much love my dear!

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  3. I agree completely with what Sarah said... especially with the part about your degree choice. If you are not passionate about what you are doing, you will not be any good to yourself or your children. Talk to a counselor at your college to see how you can work your classes into something that will fulfill what you REALLY want to do.
    Good luck and keep your chin up!!

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  4. Thank you all for your encouraging words...they really mean so much!

    While I know that finishing college is something that I must do I just feel like it is just an extra burden in my life (even though I know it is actually the catapult that will send me to bigger and better things for me and my family). I have an appointment set up with my adviser on the 6th to go over something totally unrelated so I'm sure this topic will come up and hopefully we can work together to figure out what's best for me!

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  5. daily tweet, electricisland(at)gmail.com

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