Alright this post was one that wasn't really difficult for me to write, but I thought long and hard before I decided to post it...why? The reason is simple it's very personal for me, but I realized that there are (very sadly) way more people out there than me who can relate to this and I thought it was important that I get it off my chest and at the same time maybe someone else who is going through the same thing will read it and realize that they're not alone.
The following is a letter that I wrote to my oldest daughter's father. I had her when I was young (only 19) with someone that I never should have been with. He treated me very badly and I should have known when he was mistreating me that I would never be able to depend on him to be a father to his daughter. He rarely sees her and when he does it's only on holidays at his mother's house, he never calls or sends her birthday cards or gifts, and he hasn't paid his child support in so long he owes her $15,000.00, which may not sound like a whole lot, but she's only 9 and he is only ordered to pay $60.00 a week, you do the math! Anyway I hope this gives someone else the comfort of knowing they are not alone!
Billy,
I thought I would take a minute and get a few things off my chest. I didn't want to have to write this in a letter I would much rather have told you to your face or even over the phone, but I can't remember the last time you came to see your daughter and whenever I call you or she calls you, you never answer the phone...which by the way so makes you the father of the year!
Anyway I thought that I would let you know how your daughter is doing, I'm sure you don't care since you make that much crystal clear with every day that goes by without so much as a phone call or visit. Today she came home from school crying, she asked me why you didn't love her anymore. Now this made me cry, as it always does, because it's a question that she asks me all the time. So as usual I covered your ass and told her that you did love her that you were just busy working (which we both know is no where near the truth since you haven't had a real job ever). Then she proceeds to tell me that she's pretty sure that you don't love her because you never come to see her, you never call her or answer her calls, and when Daddy's love their kids they are always there for them...this is what she told me, how can I argue with that? Why should I always be the one who takes up for you when I know the truth and I so badly want to tell her that truth, I so badly want to erase you from her memory and make her never ever be hurt by you again, but I can't do that, she loves you. She holds on to the hope that one day you'll decide to be her Daddy and love her like she so badly needs you to. She's so smart you know, she loves reading and science and she writes amazing stories. She's so loving and kind and is always willing to help someone when they need her. But she's also hurting. Every time she sees some other kid with their Daddy I see the look on her face, a look wishing that she had that, a look that longs for her Daddy to be there to help her with her homework or teach her to ride her bike, but then it's like she instantly snaps back to reality and realizes that you're not there, you don't do those things for her and then the look on her face is just one of sadness! You've hurt her in so many ways I can't even begin to list them, you've made her believe that men are bad and that they can't be trusted, you've made her cry countless nights, you've made her wish that she had another dad one that loves her and is there for her (something she's said more times than i can count), and above all you've made her see that the one man in her life that is suppose to be there for her no matter what isn't. I hate you for doing all of those things to her, you've made me wish more times than I care to admit that you were dead so at least there would be closure for her, and you've made me see what a truly selfish, careless, ignorant fool you are. I hope this letter makes you feel as guilty as you should feel, but sadly I know that it won't, because only people with hearts and feelings can feel guilt and you have neither of those.
Allison
Now I want to stress the fact that he never acknowledged this letter. I sent it to him over a year ago via his Myspace account that he checks almost every day. Great father huh?
The following is a letter that I wrote to my oldest daughter's father. I had her when I was young (only 19) with someone that I never should have been with. He treated me very badly and I should have known when he was mistreating me that I would never be able to depend on him to be a father to his daughter. He rarely sees her and when he does it's only on holidays at his mother's house, he never calls or sends her birthday cards or gifts, and he hasn't paid his child support in so long he owes her $15,000.00, which may not sound like a whole lot, but she's only 9 and he is only ordered to pay $60.00 a week, you do the math! Anyway I hope this gives someone else the comfort of knowing they are not alone!
Billy,
I thought I would take a minute and get a few things off my chest. I didn't want to have to write this in a letter I would much rather have told you to your face or even over the phone, but I can't remember the last time you came to see your daughter and whenever I call you or she calls you, you never answer the phone...which by the way so makes you the father of the year!
Anyway I thought that I would let you know how your daughter is doing, I'm sure you don't care since you make that much crystal clear with every day that goes by without so much as a phone call or visit. Today she came home from school crying, she asked me why you didn't love her anymore. Now this made me cry, as it always does, because it's a question that she asks me all the time. So as usual I covered your ass and told her that you did love her that you were just busy working (which we both know is no where near the truth since you haven't had a real job ever). Then she proceeds to tell me that she's pretty sure that you don't love her because you never come to see her, you never call her or answer her calls, and when Daddy's love their kids they are always there for them...this is what she told me, how can I argue with that? Why should I always be the one who takes up for you when I know the truth and I so badly want to tell her that truth, I so badly want to erase you from her memory and make her never ever be hurt by you again, but I can't do that, she loves you. She holds on to the hope that one day you'll decide to be her Daddy and love her like she so badly needs you to. She's so smart you know, she loves reading and science and she writes amazing stories. She's so loving and kind and is always willing to help someone when they need her. But she's also hurting. Every time she sees some other kid with their Daddy I see the look on her face, a look wishing that she had that, a look that longs for her Daddy to be there to help her with her homework or teach her to ride her bike, but then it's like she instantly snaps back to reality and realizes that you're not there, you don't do those things for her and then the look on her face is just one of sadness! You've hurt her in so many ways I can't even begin to list them, you've made her believe that men are bad and that they can't be trusted, you've made her cry countless nights, you've made her wish that she had another dad one that loves her and is there for her (something she's said more times than i can count), and above all you've made her see that the one man in her life that is suppose to be there for her no matter what isn't. I hate you for doing all of those things to her, you've made me wish more times than I care to admit that you were dead so at least there would be closure for her, and you've made me see what a truly selfish, careless, ignorant fool you are. I hope this letter makes you feel as guilty as you should feel, but sadly I know that it won't, because only people with hearts and feelings can feel guilt and you have neither of those.
Allison
Now I want to stress the fact that he never acknowledged this letter. I sent it to him over a year ago via his Myspace account that he checks almost every day. Great father huh?
Wow. I applaud you for sending that letter. Im so sorry you and your daughter have to go through that. I know what its like to have a dead beat dad - two of my sons have one of those. At least he is making a half attempt now after many years to talk to them on the phone and pay child support. I hope your daughter can get through something so painful and maybe become stronger for it some day.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteI had similar situation but it was a son and father situation.
Believe me when I say it is a little different due to the macho thing guys have.
The ex skipped to Florida, never paid child support of $20.00 a month...ever.
Then I foud him one time took him to court an the judge told me I could not collect anything because my now husband adopted him and the ex is off the hook.
Which is neither here nor there.
No Christmas cards, no birthday cards no nothin'.
I tried not to say much of anything negative or positive about him.
then this past year, actually in July, I got a call that the guy was dying, would I care to let his kid know.
Well I did and I am aa bit sorry I did, because...my son and his ditzy wife went to visit him in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks before his passing and ALL was forgiven...SURE what the heck did the kid go through, let me see...he had a Dad (adopted) that loved him, a roof over his head, celebrated birthdays and christmas always had gifts under the tree, had food on the table...what he missed out on was an abusive drunk.
And you know what the guy had the nerve to say? I knew the adoption was taking place, but I figured he could raise you better than me...YUP ! YUP!
And then my son's wife said they didn't tell me all this because I am not Christian like them and not knowing how to forgive!
Forgive! ME?! Hell I forgive that ditz all the time.
And then they wonder why Mom's have breakdowns.
Good Luck on your Trials and tribulations.
Keep heart and faith.
I will keep you in my prayers.